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Posts Tagged ‘Britney Spears’

Schlebs…

How is it possible that every second Hollywood star is pregnant with twins?! What used to be a very rare birthing event is now as normal as the day is long. And have you noticed how many famous stars have look-a-like siblings… You’ll be forgiven if you haven’t because their significant birthing ‘others’ are well, not significant at all. Scarlett’s twin brother hides away from the spotlight and Giselle’s twin sister – well who knows what she does. One thing’s for sure – I certainly don’t want her self-esteem. Heck, imagine being Giselle’s twin sister. That can’t be fun.

But speaking of babies, birth and pregnancy can you imagine what these little rugrats are going to get up to when they hit 16… Let me do the honours and paint you a picture.

Kickstart to Hollywood 2024. No one knows how to spell ‘Miley Cyrus’ and Zac Efron is living his new life out the closet. Rosy Apple is zenning out with Violet in Central Park while their folks Chris, Gwenyth, Jen and Ben sip on Chai Tea lattes in one of New York’s quaint little cafes nearby. Across state lines, Jennifer’s twins are hanging out with Ashlee’s on the popular block. It’s three ‘o clock on a Thursday afternoon and they’re knocking back vodka shots before moving onto hand grenades in some VIP bar in LA while sniggering at what Angelina’s Shiloh is wearing… Like hello, that look is so 2023. Shame poor girl, she’s probably shopped for it somewhere in Namibia. Things are tough on the top. Katie’s little darling stumbles in clutching her best friend – Nicole’s offspring. They’re both peroxided to the nines and learnt to walk in their stilettos last weekend. Britney’s sons spot this lot and give each other a secret high-five. If only they knew this is what they’re mother looked like 16 years ago. Ai. But they don’t and they’re so high on testosterone that they honestly don’t care.  It’s time to chase some serious skirt. This is going to be too easy. High on booze, scientology and mom’s vicadin, they’re the new tabloid princesses: desperate for attention and looking for father figures. All their daddies ran off because back in the day, marriage meant as much to them as last season’s Marc Jacobs’ line meant to Paris Hilton: squat. Nine months later, Brit becomes a grandma.

So if your geyser burst, your hard drive crashed or your got car towed (if all these things happened to you in one week you have my sympathies – I know exactly what you’re going through!), rest assured that no matter what the week or what the year… You’re one up on Britney.

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